Waiting

You can just sit around and wait or you can get busy. Job hunting has ground to a halt waiting for the festive season to pass. I am converting some of my finds from Vinnie's into presents and with some of the wool I brought back with me I am working on a tail-less scarf for J. and into a frame I will put a photo of J and his dogs for his father and mother. It just doesn't feel much like Christmas.

Last year I got to know my nephew. He was a newborn baby when I left Oz and now he has babies of his own. Evidently my driving was too much for my passenger so I ended up a passenger. Back then I was sufficiently shell shocked to just fold my tent instead of defending myself from another attack from someone who thought their feelings trumped those of everyone else. Anthony was a delightful companion who didn't need a running chatter for seven hours but endured gallantly all the same. The trek north passed the big banana and the giant shrimp ended at the condo of my sister. There her children and grandchildren and one of mind celebrated with food, the beach, chatter and nervousness. One guest arrived with newspaper clippings ready to spark conversations regarding social situations somewhere else. How boring! Family Christmas for people who have not seen much of each other is about how you eat your sandwiches and do-you-remember stories of the few things they have shared. Don't bring the outside world in because we are not there anymore.

Do you remember the effects of seeing something shocking. How it burned an image in the front of your mind and how everything else had to navigate through the horrid image. I remember a trip to Copenhagen in '72 and husband and I were titillated by the idea of a porn shop on main street and we went inside. I saw things in the one or two minutes we were inside that haunted me uncomfortably for years. Eventually life took over and new images laid a heavy curtain over the shocking collage. I am haunted by the image of the young man and his gun. I am troubled by the knowledge that here some people consider violence not only permitted to them by law (and money) but also their right. The person that swerves in front with horn blowing in their SUV (sudden uncontrolled violence)horn, probably has a gun as well. I tremble in my spirit. When I spoke of the incident I was told of a man with limited movement carries a gun all the time. Who does he want to shoot?